This is another post which was originally published in June 2018. Photography has taught me so much, and I feel it’s important to share positivity and these lessons. As you can imagine, my photography business has grown so much since this post, but I love looking back and seeing how self-improvement has changed my life. I didn’t even have a laptop at this point - so all the images are raw and honest. Cariad mawr/Big love, Mefus x
Since starting a photography course, I've been asked by 2 friends if I'd shoot something for them. A dream for me. This is all from having the courage (buzzword of the year apparently) to apply myself and recognising a true passion. Life is weird, and cool AF.
I graduated in 2010. Peak recession. Peak cuts. I couldn't get a decent job.
I went from call centre to door to door sales, with each job scraping away a little piece of myself each time. I was angry, self-loathing and hopeless.
One day, Josh and I decided to get out of our tiny flat. Get out and go anywhere. That week, we didn't have 20 pence to our names, but we had some fuel in the car and a glimmer of hope in our minds.
We decided to go to St Fagan, an outdoor museum dedicated to Welsh history and culture, and more importantly, it was free entry.
We drove into the car park with relief, and as we parked outside, I noticed something. Parking £1. The worst sign I had ever read. Mocking me. I burst into tears. I couldn't cope, and as small and 'first world problems' as that seems, my mental state at that time could not process anything but anger and sadness. I was angry with life, angry with the crappy cards that life had dealt me.
Why me? What had I done wrong? As I rifled through the selfish, self-pitying questions, I noticed a sign for a public footpath, opposite a cul-de-sac. I pulled in and 'risked it', every cell in my body telling me 'there's no point trying', but one part said 'try'.
What we found that day is still one of my favourite places on earth. And it's about 17 minutes from my house. This walk was and is, a beautiful, peaceful, magical walk through woodland and meadows. That day, we sat in a meadow and managed to forget about our struggles. This place allowed us to relax and appreciate life. We didn't bump into anyone, unlike at the busy museum, we had our own piece of paradise. We were so grateful for our discovery.
We still go back there, often. No matter the season, there is always something new to see and appreciate (And an amazing pub for those Sunday roast strolls!). By now, I can appreciate how far I've come. By now, I am so grateful for those 'crappy cards' (yes, I'm absolutely quoting my past self, and what?). 8 years later, I can see why I was given them, and I wouldn't change them for anything. They teach us empathy and gratefulness, they show us that there is no joy without sorrow.
Don't get me wrong, I haven't become some zen being who's placid and correct. I sometimes catch myself getting annoyed with my life cards, when they seem more like a game of Cards Against Humanity than a chill game of UNO. It annoys me that I don't have a laptop to edit photos/write blogs more easily, or that I don't have a million different lenses or cameras. Sometimes.
Coming to places like this reminds me that things take time, and if I had all of these material objects right now, I know I wouldn't appreciate every tiny molecule of them. It's grounding. As previously mentioned, I'm an only child, I'd be a MONSTER if I got my way all the time.
I'm so grateful that I'm able to feel this gratitude. Thank you for my life cards, whether they're a '+2' card or a 'bees?' card (Maybe that card reference was too niche? Well I'm still going with it). Even today, I only need some fuel in the car. I still only need to park in that cul-de-sac, and now I can bring the other love of my life (my camera, obvs).
